Kicking Television's TV Highlights

Reasons to stay in -

Saturday 5th December

The Thick of It (BBC2, 10.30pm) - The last in the present series, and what a series it has been. While Peter Capaldi's Malcom Tucker has once again stolen the show, he has been superbly supported by Rebecca Front as Minister for Social Affairs Nicola Murray, and Chris Addison as her hapless aide, Oli.

Some of my favourite lines from this series:

Malcom Tucker: 'I've got a to do list that's longer than a fucking Leonard Cohen song'

John Duggan: 'Oh no, I'm just obeying orders. Like a Nazi guard, but in a non gassy way'

Glen Cullen: ' I feel like I'm in a therapy group run by my own rapist'

Malcom Tucker: 'They didn't quite give me the time to fuck all the i's and fist all the t's'

Roll on series four!

Sunday 6th December

Top Gear (BBC2, 8.30pm) - This week, Rod, Jane and Freddie race airport vehicles. I only highlight this show, as the theme tune brings out a Pavlov's dog reaction in my 4 year old Son, who has become a little petrolhead. Heaven help us!

Tuesday 8th December

Russell Brand:Skinned (Channel 4, 10pm) - An insight into the mind of Andrew Sach's favourite comedian. The documentary also features Brand being interviewed by Frank Skinner, who currently hosts the best radio show around on the Absolute digital station.

Breaking Bad (Five USA, 10.45pm) - Settling down to be one of this year's TV highlights. Bryan Cranston's Walt surely has to be one of the most tragic underdogs to have graced our screens this decade.

Wednesday 9th December

True Bood (Channel 4, 10pm) - Sam finally shares his secret with Sookie. Is he really a dog who can change into human form, or is there something a little more sinister going on?

Thursday 10th December

Gavin and Stacey (BBC1, 9pm) - Season three has got off to a shakey start, and with Rob Brydon's Uncle Bryn being the only saving grace, it's somewhat of a relief that this will be the last series.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (More 4, 10.40pm) - The Seinfeld reunion continues to move closer, as the whole cast get together for a read through. After shedding some of the incidental characters that have weighed down the show over the past two seasons, Curb has finally returned to form. Pretty, pretty, pretty good!

Go out and do something less boring instead...

Alesha Dixon: Who's Your Daddy? (BBC3, 9pm) - Reportage from the Strictly judge, who is investigating the problem with absent fathers. More licence payers money being pissed up the wall.

Sofa Cinema

Batman Begins (Sunday, ITV1, 8.30pm)
Pan's Labyrinth (Tuesday Film 4, 10.45pm)
Gimme Shelter (Friday, BBC4, 10pm)

Kicking Television's TV Highlights

Reasons to stay in -

Saturday 21st November

The Thick of It (BBC2, 10.20pm) - Nicola is invited to appear on Richard Bacon's Radio 5 show. Until Gavin and Stacey's return later this week, this is the only decent comedy on the Beeb at the moment.

Monday 23rd November

Shaun the Sheep (BBC1, 4.20pm) - The return of the greatest children's show around, as Aardman's woolly hero and his chums get into more scrapes and japes under the watchful eye of loyal farm dog, Bitzer. Genius!

Mouth to Mouth (BBC3, 9pm) - I don't really understand BBC3. For the majority, its output is often crass, loud and obnoxious and clearly aimed at a demographic I no longer belong to. Therefore, it's always refreshing to see the channel taking a punt every know and then on new comedy drama shows such as Mouth to Mouth.
Don't worry kids, repeats of Two pints of Lager are on later in the week.

Tuesday 24th November

Breaking Bad (Five USA, 11.20pm)

Wednesday 25th November

True Blood (C4, 10pm) - Oh no! Has Bill perished in the fire? Of course not, silly! There's a second series on the way. The excorsism of Terra's mum in last week's episode was some scary voodoo shit!

Thursday 26th November

River Cottage (C4, 8pm) - Hugh's making crispy pancakes this week.

Gavin & Stacey (BBC1, 9pm) - Forget the fact Corden is a fat obnoxious fuck. Even forget the fact his awful sketch show - written and performed with G & S co-star Matthew Horne - has been re-comissioned. This show's strengths lie with the magnificent supporting cast, especially Alison Steadman as Gavin's meddling mum, Pam and Rob Brydon as the scene stealing Uncle Bryn. Sheer class!

Curb Your Enthusiasm (More 4, 10.40pm) - Last week's episode was by far the funniest thing on TV this year.

Friday 27th November

Comedy Showcase: The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (C4, 10.05pm) - Starring Arrested Development star, David Cross.

Johnny Cash Night (BBC4, 9pm) - Includes the Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison documentary, which spawned one of the greatest live albums ever made. What other reason do you need to stay in tonight!

Go out and do something less boring instead...

Paradox (BBC1, 9pm) - Tamzin Outhwaite vehicle. Need I say more?

Sofa Cinema Choices

The Yes Men (C4, 1.20am)
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (ITV1, 11.05pm)

Kicking Television's TV Highlights

Reasons to stay in -

Saturday 14th November

The Thick of It (BBC2, 10.10pm) - Armando Ianucci's satirical comedy continues to set the standard. Sharp, dark and hilarious!

Sunday 15th November

Doctor Who (BBC1, 7pm) - Tennant's tenure as Timelord (trying saying that after a couple of scoops)is about to come to an end. The trailer alone to this one-off special gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Elbow: The South Bank Show (ITV1, 10.45pm) - Forever the perennial indie under-achievers, Elbow finally struck paydirt last year when they waltzed off with the Mercury Prize with their sublime album, The Seldom Seen Kid. Melvin Bragg speaks to the band's frontman, Guy Garvey, and takes a tour around their hometown of Bury.

Tuesday 17th November

Later Live - With Jools Holland (BBC2, 10pm) - I've said enough already about the current series of Later, and with tonight's show featuring David Gray and Annie Lennox, I feel I can finally rest my case. However, with appearances from The Decemberists and The Big Pink, there may well be light at the end of the tunnel. Do you know something? I'm starting to miss Top of the Pops.

Breaking Bad (Five USA, 11.15pm) - Bryan Cranston's Walter continues to strengthen his bid for this year's anti-hero award.

Wednesday 18th November

True Blood (C4, 10pm) - What now for Sookie, now she has given herself to gentlemen vampire, Bill?

Thursday 19th November

The Culture Show (BBC2, 7pm) - After last week's highbrow edition, with pieces on James Elroy and David Hockney, the Culture Show takes its head out of its own arse this week and celebrates 20 years of Wallace and Gromit.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (More 4, 10.40pm) - Larry David has a starring role in the new Woody Allen film, and by all accounts it's bobbins! The new series of Curb, however, goes from strength to strength.

Friday 20th November

Them Crooked Vultures Live at Reading 2009 (BBC2, 12.50am) - Supergroup ahoy! Grohl, Homme and Jones rip it up at this year's Reading Festival.

Go out and do something less boring instead...

I'm a Celebrity Get me out of Here! (ITV1, all week) - Jordan is heading back into the jungle. What are the odds Andre will be parachuted in at some point? A re-kindled romance, re-newed wedding vows, an Hello magazine exclusive, an ITV special on Christmas Eve and so on and so on. Circle of fucking life, man!

Sofa Cinema Choices

36 (BBC4, Sat 12.15am)
Flags of Our Fathers (C4, Sun 9pm)
Letters From Iwo Jima (C4, Sun 11.35pm)
Hard Candy (BBC2, Sun 11pm)
Zatoichi (Film 4, Sun 11.20pm)
Don't Look Now (ITV1, Fri 1.10am)
Lower City (Film 4, Fri 1.10am)

Channel Bee

After you've channel hopped through all 500 channels on your Sky+ and still can't find anything to watch, try switching on your computer and logging into Channel Bee. A mix of football, music and comedy, this online television channel gives the majority of satellite channels a serious run for their money. Castleford's Darren Gibbs showing us how to deal with hoodies from Dewsbury is on of the many delights you can find here.

www.channelbee.com

Later with Jools Holland

As discussed in a previous posting, the current series of Later with Jools Holland, has been overall a disappointing affair. Apart from one or two decent performances - Stornaway on last week's show and The Dead Weather performing their single 'Treat Me Like Your Mother' - the show has predominately featured artists that make you want to put your foot through the TV screen, or at least switch over. Last night's excrutiating performance from Joss Stone and the recent appearance of Sting being two that instantly spring to mind. I have watched the show since it started way back in 1992, and you could often guarentee there wold be at least two to three acts on each show that you would want to check out. This series, however, I have found myself often watching the show on fast forward, which usually means an hour long programme is condensed down to ten minutes. This year a number of new bands have released some great debut records - Delta Spirit, The Leisure Society - who would have benefited with a slot on Later. instead we have to put up with the risible Norah Jones and Andy fucking Williams. Heaven knows who has been booked for the Hootenany show!

For those of you yearning for a bit of classic Later, check out this clip of Bon Iver from last year.

The X Factor

So X Factor fans are up in arms over Simon Cowell's decision to pass on the opportunity to get rid of Irish inbreds, John and Edward Grimes during Sunday night's eviction show. Cowell has been branded a coward for not casting the final vote that would have sealed the duos fate, as instead he opted for the public vote count to decide who would be leaving the show. Alanis Morrissette mini-pop, Lucie, was the one cast aside like a dirty tissue, leaving the ridiculously quiffed brothers to fight another day. Fans of The X Factor are so riled with Cowell's decision not to vote, that they are calling for a boycott of the show, which has left some commentators claiming this to be the beginning of the end for this end of the pier talent contest.

What Angry from Tunbridge Wells fails to realise, is that reality programmes such as X Factor are produced as much for business as they are for entertainment. Keeping John and Edward in the competition continues to ensure column inches for the show, and keeps it the topic dujour around the country's water coolers. Lets face it, once these two simpletons have left the show, what else is there to tune in for? Especially when the favourite to win the overall competition - and therefore guarantee themselves the coveted Xmas number 1 - has been likened to a cross between Robbie Williams and Will Young. That's an even scarier thought than having Jedward's moronic faces staring into our living rooms just as we're about to tuck into our turkey.

Kicking Television's TV Highlights

Reasons to stay in -

Saturday 7th November 2009

The Thick of It (BBC2, 10.15pm) - I have to watch each episode at least twice just to ensure I've caught the sheer brilliance of each barbaric putdown that is spat from Malcom Tucker's mouth. Genius!

Tuesday 10th November 2009

Later Live - With Jools Holland (BBC2, 10pm) - What shampoo does Dave Grohl use? His hair looked so luxurious on last week's show. With Sting last week and Joss Stone one of tonight's guests, this series has been one of the weakest in recent years. Record and fast forward to Martha Wainwright.

True Stories (More 4, 10pm) - After last week's astonishing Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo, we journey into the heart of Rio and witness the dark underbelly of the city's favelas.

Breaking Bad (Five USA, 11pm) - Last week's birthday masturbation scene was one of the funniest things I've seen on TV this year.

Wednesday 11th November 2009

True Blood (C4, 10pm) - Screw Buffy! This here is real vampire shit!

Thursday 12th November 2009

The Culture Show (BBC2, 7pm) - Crime writing demi-god, James Ellroy talks about his fascination with the L.A. of the 1950s.

River Cottage (C4, 8pm) - Fearnley-Whittingstall returns with a new series, where he rides fat naked men around River Cottage HQ before ripping out their insides and making a hearty stew from their intestines. Probably.

Misfits (E4, 10pm) - Heroes for the Asbo generation. Wait! Don't go! Those who have seen the opening episode reckon E4 may have another hit on their hands.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (More 4, 10.40pm) - Lets hope Larry keeps those legs covered up this week.

Friday 13th November 2009

Comedy Showcase (C4, 10.05pm) - The latest comedy pilot is set in a mobile phone shop and stars Emma Fryer recently seen in the excellent Home Time on BBC2.

Go out and do something less boring instead...

The Execution of Gary Glitter (C4, Tues 9pm) - WTF!!!

Sofa Cinema Choices

Y Tu Mama Tambien (C4, Sun 12.35am)

The Proposition (Film 4, Tues 11.25pm)

Ils (C4, Thurs 1.10am)

And finally...

Primal Scream's 'Rocks' got a 21st makeover on last week's X Factor with the line 'Junkies keep a scorin' re-written to 'Birds keep a tweetin'
Check out the real deal here.

I'm a Celebrity starts in two weeks. Avoid ITV1 and 2 at all costs.